I have been feeling extremely anxious as we approach the one year anniversary of Cade’s diagnosis. So many things are running through my head. At least we have been extremely busy and that gives me less time to think about all the things that are making me anxious.
First we have finished the chicken coop, minus the roof and all the prettying up for my benefit. But painting will have to wait for a week where there are a few days without predicted rain. But I know we need the rain so the pretty is patiently waiting.
Then because it rained our branding was postponed. What do you do when you can’t brand? You finish up the raised garden beds and get them into their locations for the summer.
We are so blessed by our community and want you to know that we think of all of you while we work on these things. We know that these things were possible to this extent because of you and your generosity. While we would have found a way to make these dreams come true for Cade, we could not have made all of this occur right now. We are forever grateful for that.
And then today is Mother’s Day. And I had some anxiety over this day. I did not feel like being honored or recognized. I really just wanted to shrink back and avoid any contact with anyone.
I just wanted to sulk and have this day be over. Because this day is just another reminder of how my path of motherhood has been so drastically altered. Part of being a mother on Mother’s Day is looking at your children is thinking about the blessing that you have been granted in being entrusted to be their mom.
But instead of that I now face the uncertainty that I am capable of being the Mom that Cade needs now. I can’t look at him and see a future free from pain and heartbreak for him. But if I am honest, I can’t guarantee that for Cole either. The big difference is the type of pain and heartbreak.
But Cade isn’t hindered by these thoughts. He still dreams of his future family. He still considers what he would like to do when he grows up and where he might want to live. And most of all he still finds the joy in everyday moments of life.
This boy is so excited for these projects to be mostly completed. He can’t wait to dig in the dirt and start collecting eggs.
Happy Mother’s Day to all of you moms who read this blog. To you moms in the trenches right now, know that I pray for all of us daily. To all the moms who aren’t in the trenches know that I pray for you too. I pray that all us moms take time to notice the little moments. For all those small things will one day be over and you will miss them so “Be Present Not Perfect”.