A Hot Mess

This weekend I have been on edge. The boys have definitely had their less than pleasing moments but something more seemed to be bugging me. It was something I could not figure out until I started driving home.

This trip seemed even harder even though we got stable results. I just keep thinking about how much this has already become part of our routine. You see we stay at the same hotel and I’ve now become a rewards member for that hotel.

We have even started to recognize some of the workers there and even some by name. I even recognized the lady in the hospital cafeteria as someone who has checked us out at least once before. And then I also realized that this is now our future. These things will just become more and more familiar and permanent in our lives.

And then my eyes started tearing up. And all of the boys had headphones on so I was left alone with my thoughts. And then my mind wandered back to our very first trip out here.

I remember not knowing for sure if this would be our diagnosis, hoping for something else but a part of me realized that this was probably it. I remember the anxiety filled drive out there. Sitting with three of our team members being told that it was probably our worst fear. These same providers have now become a part of our family.

And then as I drove in silence I remember the numb drive back where all I wanted to do was curl up and cry. Instead as I drove the car through the city towards home I just let the tears fall.

Today we stopped at Ft. Morgan, at the Dairy Queen. This is the same place we stopped on that very first day. The boys chose a seat as we placed an order and they ended up sitting one booth over from the booth we sat in the first day.

And then I remembered the look of hope on Cade’s face as he asked if they would now be able to make it so he could run like his friends. And I remember seeing the tears fall from Brent’s eyes. And it has all hit me hard again today as we drive this all too familiar ride home.

But I am going to try to put of the face of hope I saw in Cade that day. They are making some great strides in treatment and care of DMD. And I am going to try to focus on that hope!

Blessings. Lynnette

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