With the change of seasons, comes the change of schedules in our house. It also brings about the change of the length of waking hours that Brent is available. And since winter hasn’t quite wanted to give it up already, the transition has been bumpy to say the least.
So I have found myself paralyzed with longing for a routine and to find my groove. I knew I wanted so desperately to be able to keep moving forward, and not lose control of the state of my house, that I developed an inability to do anything about it.
And then I found myself reading my daily scripture in my chronological bible for April 27. And I felt like I could connect with David on so many levels. You see, the scripture for that day was talking about the exile and return of David’s son Absalom. I was reading 2 Samuel 14:1-24 and I realized that I am behaving similarly to David.
I know there are a great many of you praying for a miracle for us. And for that I will be eternally grateful. But that was not a prayer that I felt I could pray myself. I felt selfish for wanting to pray that prayer. I was also trying really hard not to doubt that God has a plan for Cade and His plan is a perfect plan with perfect timing. And so God is good and His ways are perfect became my mantra.
I repeated this over and over and over. It was all I knew I could pray. And then a couple of days ago a dear lady asked me for 2 specific prayers that she could pray for Cade. I had no answer to that. I didn’t know what to tell her because if I allowed myself to open up that corner of me, I might not be able to stop it and I might just ask for a miracle.
David was also feeling like he couldn’t extend the grace to himself that he offered to other people. Joab decided he would help David out by utilizing a wise woman to help show his point that David deserved that grace too. This wise woman explained an imaginary situation that happened within her family. She emphasized that she was not there and was not able to be in control of that situation but now she feared for her remaining son’s life. David offered protection and compassion for that woman and her son. Then that wise woman asked David why he would do this for her but not for himself.
This very conversation led to the reconciliation with David’s son Absalom. And I realized that while I was able to pray for miracles for everyone else who asked or needed that prayer, I couldn’t pray the same thing for myself. So that led to a stirring within me that maybe I could ask for a miracle. But I was still hesitant. I still couldn’t seem to offer up that prayer.
And then I attended the Priscilla Shirer simulcast and something she said allowed me to see why I still couldn’t say that prayer. I didn’t want to be disappointed.
Priscilla was talking about how we ask for God’s will to be done in our prayers but we box God in with that request. We have a vision for what God’s will would look like in our lives and that is really what we are asking for in our prayers.
And that was my worry. Would I be disappointed and pull back from God if His miracle didn’t meet up with what I envision for the miracle that I am praying for.
And so I am going to start working on praying for a miracle like I would for anyone else. But I am also going to try not to box God in with what that miracle could look like.
So dear friends, I have my work cut out for me in these coming day. Would you please join me in praying that same prayer? Ask God to perform a miracle for Cade, but be careful that we are not dictating what that miracle is.