I just sent the boys all out for day 2 of rifle deer season. One would think that I would relish the time alone. In some ways I do, but a lot has happened here in the last few days that leave me a little restless.
First off, we have decided to start searching for someone to come to our home this summer and be there for Cade. He is starting to need a little more help and this will give us some peace of mind while Brent and I are working. While we know that as of now it is more preventative than anything, it still hurts to get to this point. We know this will be a perfect job for some high school student since it will only be part time and it is very flexible. We also know that it might take us a while to find that perfect person and so we are thinking of summer as it is starting to get cold.
And then I met someone this very same day that was so touched by Cade’s story. Sometimes it absolutely shocks me to my core when I witness a powerful reaction to our story. If you are ever on YouTube check out deermeatfordinner sometime. This man was so genuine and caring.
Later on in the day I actually started laughing about it because I have figured out that God has been speaking to me through all things hunting. You might remember some time ago that I posted about sleeping through the hunting shows on tv when I was awoken to hear a quote and take note of it. Now I meet a man that has a hunting station on YouTube and I feel God speaking to me again. It makes me laugh to think that this is when God chooses to get my attention.
Then later in the day, Cade was at therapy and not having the best day. While I was helping him change out of his wet swim clothes, he continued to argue with me about the need for therapy. While he was arguing with me, he blurted out the question “Why does God want me to die so soon?”.
Honestly I have no idea how I kept it together. It was only through God’s grace and strength that I could answer his question with what I consider to be the most pathetic answer ever but the only one I could articulate in that moment. I asked if what if God actually wanted him to have DMD now because they are close to a great treatment for it.
But sometimes I wrestle with that same type of question that Cade asked. I wonder why us, why Cade and why DMD. But as I sat in church this morning and listened to a friend sing the song “Blessings” I realized that those are the wrong questions to ask. I need to ask more of the question what is God trying to teach me or have me see.
So today while the guys are all out hunting, I can sit here and type this through the tears and refocus my energy on answering that what am I to learn or see question. And then I will work on covering up the fact that I was crying before the guys get home. Because I live in a house full of guys that don’t always understand that sometimes it is therapeutic to have a good cry.