We had clinic a month ago and everything went really well while we were out there. Everything was relatively stable and we got some hopeful news that the boys may be able to get their Covid vaccine by this summer. So everything went really well.
And when we came back I had renewed energy to make progress on doing the room switching to get things more set up in a workable manner for us. So I started working hard to make the moves happen. But even with my renewed energy, the goal of having Cade’s room on the main floor still seemed a long way off.
So I decided that trying to do these moves neatly was not going to happen. I told Brent that we just needed to make the move to get Cade’s bed downstairs. So on a Sunday afternoon we made it happen. And Cade is loving it!!
But then the following day I walked by Cade’s former bedroom and started crying. Because for me, the empty bedroom represented yet another thing that Duchenne had robbed him and us of. In my head, I started wrestling with all the reasons why this move was a bad thing.
First, we would no longer be on the same floor for sleeping as Cade. How was that going to look if he needed us in the night? It didn’t matter that I had already found and purchased a monitor for us to use.
My second thoughts raced to all the other reasons why bedroom moves are made, none of which was the reason we moved Cade. Plus Cade’s new room isn’t even a bedroom. There is no closet in it. He wasn’t getting a better room out of this!
And then I thought of when Jacob wrestled with God. God could have ended the wrestling at any point but instead let Jacob keep it up until he named the ultimate desire of his heart, to be blessed by God.
This changed my perspective on looking at this move. I started looking for my blessings. And I found some including that if Cole wanted to have friends out, the new tv room that is Cade’s old room would make a great hang out space for them. This will be a great improvement and will allow the boys to have some separate space too.
Once I found these blessings, my attitude changed. And while I don’t think I am completely done with wrestling some things, I do feel at peace for the room moves we made. Our house is becoming more functional for Cade and in that process we are finding some function for us that we didn’t even know we needed.